BEVERLY HILLS, CA – According to multiple media outlets, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are getting a divorce. The Hollywood couple, known by their portmanteau, Bennifer, are ending their marriage after only two years. The couple, who originally had a failed engagement in the early 2000s, rekindled old passions two decades later in the spring of 2021. They were soon married in the summer of 2022.
The wedding was opulent. Actually, opulent is an understatement. Following a smaller ceremony and a first honeymoon in Paris, they held a three-day wedding at Affleck’s $60 million estate in Georgia. The event was excessive in every way. While most brides go all out for their one wedding dress, Lopez had three dresses, one for each day. One dress, with pearl embellishments and Swarovski crystal detailing, took 700 hours to hand-embroider. Another was custom-made in Italy by Ralph Lauren. The estimated worth of the jewelry she wore for the wedding ceremony was over $2 million, primarily in diamonds and pearls.
Some of society’s most elite and recognizable names, such as actor Matt Damon and filmmaker Kevin Smith, attended the wedding. The event had the finest festivities and amenities money could buy—a king would have been satisfied. After the wedding, the newlyweds embarked on their second honeymoon to Italy.
But none of the fame, fortune, food, festivities, or foreign vacations could secure their marriage.
The divorce of another Hollywood couple is unsurprising. Some studies estimate celebrity marriages are twice as likely to end in divorce as marriages in the general populace. The divorce of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez is the latest broken relationship on Tinseltown's smoldering heap.
And yet, Hollywood has an outsized influence on our culture. Many women fawned over every last Bennifer wedding detail, knowing their special moment would never be “that special.” To the average person, celebrity equals success. Over time, celebrity wedding after celebrity wedding, normal couples start unwittingly believing that gaudy weddings and extravagant ceremonies are necessary for the success of their relationship.
Gaudy weddings are not a new phenomenon. St. John Chrysostom was a fourth-century Church father and archbishop of Constantinople known for his eloquent rhetoric and humble life. Commoners admired Chrysostom for his simplicity, while the wealthy often despised him for the same reason. In his Homily 12: On Colossians 4:18, Chrysostom addresses those who would emulate the elaborate weddings of the pagan culture,
“Remember my bonds,” Paul says. Marriage is a bond, a bond ordained by God. Why then do you celebrate weddings in a silly and immodest manner? Have you no idea what you are doing? You are marrying your wife for the procreation of children and for moderation of life; what is the meaning of these drunken parties with their lewd and disgraceful behavior? You can enjoy a banquet with your friends to celebrate your marriage; I do not forbid this, but why must you introduce all these excesses? Camels and mules behave more decently than some people at wedding receptions!
Is marriage a comedy? It is a mystery, an image of something far greater. If you have no respect for marriage, at least respect what it symbolizes: “This is a great mystery, and I take it to mean Christ and the Church.” It is an image of the Church, and of Christ, and will you celebrate in a profane manner? “But then who will dance?” you ask. Why does anyone need to dance? Pagan mysteries are the only ones that involve dancing. We celebrate our mysteries quietly and decently, with reverence and modesty. How is marriage a mystery? The two have become one. This is not an empty symbol. They have not become the image of anything on earth, but of God Himself. How can you celebrate it with a noisy uproar, which dishonors and bewilders the soul?
They come to be made into one body. See the mystery of love! If the two do not become one, they cannot increase; they can increase only by decreasing! How great is the strength of unity! God’s ingenuity in the beginning divided one flesh into two; but He wanted to show that it remained one even after its division, so He made it impossible for either half to procreate without the other.1
Before a couple ever begins planning their wedding, they should deeply contemplate the purpose of marriage. Infatuation and passion may be helpful for the relationship, but they alone are not prudent enough reasons to get married. Marriage is a union that reflects Christ’s love for his bride, a love that naturally leads to temperance and multiplication. The wedding is simply the initiatory rite into the marriage union.
Instead, our pagan culture emphasizes the wedding at the expense of the marriage. In their longing to become stunning grooms and brides, couples neglect becoming virtuous husbands and wives and, even more so, virtuous fathers and mothers. Instead of marriage being the focus of the relationship, marriage has become another accessory to the wedding. A wedding disconnected from the responsibilities of marriage is like fine china without food or a golden frame without art. It is no wonder the divorce rate is so high.
It is not that gaudy weddings cause divorce and humble weddings secure marriage. However, the mindset that often leads to gaudy weddings also naturally leads to divorce. The solution is not merely to have a small wedding but to have the right mindset of simplicity and humility. Gaudy weddings display pride and power. Humble weddings display humility and self-control. Attitudes of pride and power lead to unsuccessful marriages. Attitudes of humility and self-control reflect Christ’s love for His Church and lead to successful marriages.
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St John Chrysostom, On Marriage & Family Life, ed. John Behr, trans. Catherine P. Roth and David Anderson, vol. 7, Popular Patristics Series (Crestwood, NY: St Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1986), 74–75.
A wedding celebrates a union, not a circus.